Name: Giulia (name has been changed)
Giulia is a funny, fiery, bisexual, Italian woman who was born in a small, rural town in Italy.
And Giulia is just.so.Italian. So Italian, in fact, that she managed to fit pasta into her story about the first time she masturbated.
I’m sorry but … how charming is that? More on that topic soon.
There’s no shortage of women on TV or in the media in Italy. But when Giulia was growing up, most of those sexy women were just bikini-clad, lingerie wearing, perfectly coiffed eye candy.
Giulia on the other hand, is strong, smart and independent — way more than eye candy. It’s taken a while to step into herself that way, to give herself permission to see what she wants and go get it. She said moving to America a few years ago helped.
“Growing up in Italy … the culture has more machismo. But if you’re a pretty girl, you can kind of go anywhere. If you smile and you have a pretty face, you can get anything. And everywhere, especially on TV, you always see the old men with the hot young women in their 20s.”
Since I moved to the US about six years ago, I feel like I’ve been able to let my masculinity out and gotten a lot better at making decisions and taking initiative.
I don’t feel anymore like the princess in the tower waiting for the beautiful prince to come save me.”
Taking ownership of her sexuality has been a process. Like a lot of us, innocent experimenting as a kid was sometimes tainted by messages of shame or punishment from parents or peers.
“I grew up in the countryside. We didn’t have all of the after school activities like Americans have. So sometimes after school, I would get bored and would just make sex toys from things in the house. Like pasta packages with those wide lasagna noodles.
Then, when I was done, I would feel very guilty and pray to Jesus for forgiveness.”
Sidenote: Are all you mother readers scrambling to sign your kids up for after-school soccer leagues and summer camps right about now? I hope not.
Anyway, back to the uncooked lasagna noodles.
“I also remember this time, very early, when I was just a little girl I was running around naked near my house. Because we lived in the country, we had a fire pit. I saw that the embers, still red and shouldering and decided that it might feel good to sit down with my butt on top of the them. Little kids aren’t sexual of course, they don’t know what that is. But at the same time I was discovering my body and I knew that some things felt really good.
I sat on top of the embers and my dad saw me. He got really mad and grabbed me by the hand and yanked me up. There were some other family members there and in front of them, he yelled at me and said that what I did was really bad.
I just remember feeling so ashamed at that moment.
Years later, when I was in junior high, we were talking about masturbating and this one girl confessed that she did. All of the other girls started saying that was disgusting and that only boys did that. They claimed they had never done it, but I’m sure they were. I remember feeling ashamed that I was doing it then. But all these years later I wish I could go back and tell those girls that it’s normal and good and they should do it.”
Here are some other rapid-fire questions Giulia answered for me about her sexual self.
What’s the last sex she you had?
“I haven’t had sex in two months. I needed a little bit of time after my last break up. I guess we just weren’t a perfect match. So I’ve been single for a while now. And now I think I’m finally really ready to be with someone again.”
What turns you on?
“I love dancing. I started taking salsa lessons recently. It’s so fun and it’s a way to express myself and feel loose and connected.
I’m also passionate about travel and trying new things. I love doing something that scares me at first. Then that fear turns into adrenaline.”
Who’s hot to you?
“I see myself being in a relationship with a man, but I have definitely been sexually attracted to both men and women.
When I was 12 years old, I couldn’t stop having fantasies about a friend of mine. I think she was the first one in our grade to develop breasts. I just remember going home at the end of the school day and not being able to stop thinking about her.”
What are your biggest turn ons?
“I love when someone knows how to behave in front of others. Someone who just gets in the room and knows how to make other people feel comfortable.
Physically, I also love guys with big shoulders, guys who are bigger in general. I don’t like feeling like I’m grabbing a bag of bones when I hug them.”
What are your biggest turn offs?
“I hate online dating, honestly, anything that has to do with online dating. Maybe I’m old fashioned. I just want to meet some guy in a bus station and have him give me a bouquet of roses. I tried online dating once but everyone I met, the second I spoke with them in person, I just knew that I didn’t want to do anything with them.”
What’s the worst sex you’ve ever had?
“One time, I was about to have sex with this guy. I couldn’t feel his penis, so I told him he could put it inside me. He told me that his penis was and had been inside me, and that he had already come. That was terrible.
One of the worst sex experiences I ever had happened when I met a friend of a friend in Washington D.C. We started dancing and it was really hot. At the spur of the moment, we decided to get a hotel room. So we paid, got and went up into the room and started fucking. But after 30 seconds of sex he came and then fell asleep. I felt like I had ended up with an old man when I had been expecting this hot date.
Other than that, the other bad times have happened when I’ve had great sex with someone and had so much fun, but realized that I was falling in love with them, and for them it was just about having sex. It happens.”
What’s the best sex you’ve ever had?
“I was on a camping trip in Lake Powell. I was hanging out around the camp fire with this hot guy who I had met there. We started drinking and getting excited and went into his tent. We ended up having sex — really loud sex.
Then, at some point, he went and got a friend of his, a girl, and she joined us too. It was so good because there were just no expectations, we were just flowing with the energy as it happened.
Eventually some other people from the campsite came over and told us, “Excuse me, there are other people here who are trying to rest here. I had to laugh.”
How does having good sex affect the rest of your life?
“I am in such a better mood. Like with my ex, we would be fighting about something, then we’d have sex and I would just completely forget about it.
And sex can make me feel so content. For example I can just spend a whole day in bed having sex and I don’t feel like there’s anything else I have to do.
How often do you come?
“I come pretty much every time I have sex now, unless it’s really bad sex. I know that certain movements and certain muscles get me off, so if I know the guy I’m with is about to come, I can make myself come, too. If I’m really attracted to the other person, I can just let my body take over and do it.
If you had a daughter, what would you tell her?
“If I had a daughter, I would tell her, ‘Everybody masturbates. Don’t be afraid to express your sexuality. Don’t be afraid to say what you like and don’t like.’”