Job: Nanny, Professional cuddler
Ladies, hold on to your aprons, you may never want to do housework again after you read this.
Aside from being a lovely, thoughtful, self-possessed person, who was a pleasure to interview, Ricki opened my eyes to something I knew nothing about: Houseboys.
It all started when Ricki had an accident in 2014. She hurt her spine, had trouble walking and doing things around the house. She couldn’t sweep or cook herself dinner. She was getting terrible headaches. Something had to give.
Ricki is comfortable in the Kink community, so although she usually considered herself a “submissive,” she decided to post adds on Craigslist and the BDSM social networking site, Fetlife with an open call for a houseboy who would clean her apartment, carry her basket in the grocery store and take a few slaps on the face when he didn’t do it right.
She got responses, lots of them, or so she told me.
I kind of didn’t believe her. So I decided to do a small experiment.
I was like, how many dudes would really want to do this? Maybe my incredulity had to do with the fact that I hate doing house chores.
So just to see, I posted an add on Craigslist.
Here’s what I got in less than ONE HOUR.
Then, just for fun, I changed the post to say that sex acts WOULD NOT play any part in the relationship.
I still got some responses, in some cases, because the dudes didn’t really believe the non-sexual thing. In other cases, it seemed like they were willing to engage in something that was purely psychologically arousing for them. Here are a couple of my favorites.
Back to Ricki.
She told me all about what she does with her houseboys and how the relationship works. Despite being the one who gets served and doted on, Ricki puts a lot of energy and work into choosing the right person, grooming them, and following through with reinforcement or punishment — depending on what the occasion calls for.
But back to how all this starts. After she gets the initial responses on Craigslist, Ricki has her houseboy applicants fill out a four-page questionnaire. That’s right, a four-page questionnaire. That’s the reason I will continue to muddle through with my own housework, despite doing a completely insufficient job at it, and why Ricki works to cultivate long-term relationships with her houseboys: It’s a lot of work to create a working relationship, one where both people are fulfilled. And Ricki takes that seriously.
The questionnaire covers:
Favorite fetishes and punishments
Favorite physical activities
What they’re excited about
What they’re ashamed to admit they’re excited about
“My houseboys usually wash my laundry, change my bedding, take out my trash, wash my dishes, clean the entire apartment. Sometimes I take them out with me to go run errands and they hold my hand basket and push the cart. I point at something and it’s retrieved. They take in all of my groceries and unload them.”
“They’re like a partner that does everything without ever arguing.”
Before she ever invites a would-be houseboy over, they get together for coffee to see if they mesh and go over the questionnaire.
If it goes well, she’ll have them over, tell them what she wants done and how, then relax or do her homework while they go at it.
Ricki said that despite what some people think, the houseboy-mistress relationship isn’t about a Freudian son/mommy fetish. It’s more of a mentor – mentee thing.
“I want to make my submissive into the best version of themselves that they can be.”
“I think some of these people actually just want someone who will make them be accountable. So they also get more things they want out of their life. I can be a built-in accountability person. And they want to please me. So, for example, if I know that they think they should be going to the gym because it helps with their depression, but they haven’t been, I’ll make that one of their tasks during the time I don’t see them.
After the houseboy is finished with the chores at her house, Ricki will usually cuddle with them and talk. And then, Ricki might have them pleasure her sexually, if she’s feeling it.
That’s right, ladies, the houseboy’s altruistic duties need not end at the bedroom door.
Ricki said those interactions have been a great learning experience that has actually helped her enjoy sex more, whoever she’s having it with.
“I’ve gotten a lot better at asking for things and telling people how to touch me.” she said.
The houseboy really wants to do what Ricki asks, and she isn’t expected to do anything in return. So it’s helped her get clear on what she wants and figure out exactly how to articulate it.
“I think initially I felt a lot of guilt and shame around receiving (before). But that has gotten a lot easier.”
And friends, that can only be good news. I feel like if more women were able to dive into truly receiving pleasure, we could end wars, save the whales and everything in between.
But hey, that’s just me.
Also, stay tuned, folks, because there will be a Part II interview where Ricki talks to me about being a professional cuddler.
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